Bullying Naruto
by Silverlight10243
Summary: The Uzumaki clan decides to gang up on Naruto on the matter of his hair color, which Naruto is completely oblivious about, yet once an argument initiates between the Uzumaki's, it's bound to get out of hand. Crack. One-shot.


**A/N: Hiya! Remember the oneshot I AM the straightest! ? Well one of the reviewers requested another argument between members of another clan so... this chapter is dedicated to the Uzumakis. Pure, unfettered crack, not to be taken seriously.**

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"Guys, who else here thinks Naruto's the odd one out?" Mito asked the rest of the group, who were, by the way sitting around Naruto Uzumaki's stinky, disorderly apartment. Well... because Mito, Nagato and Kushina were dead for a matter of fact, thus bereaved of their habitation quarters and Karin was - how should I put it? - a recently released criminal for infringing on the Gokage Summit shortly before the Fourth Shinobi World War started, even though Sasuke was the one who did most of the damage. Needless to say, Naruto was the only one of them that owned a place to live in.

Anyhow, they were there. Don't question why. Former jinchurikis like Kushina and Mito could be uncannily persuasive or adamant in front of the Shiganami. And Nagato, well, he simply decided to tag along. Enough said.

Karin's complexion squirmed in disgust as she observed the disarray of jonin vests, orange jumpsuits, horrifically biliously colored pajamas that the whole room was infested with, she would have gladly helped the boy rearrange his entire apartment if he permitted her. While Mito gazed nonchalantly at her surroundings, slightly sentimental about her visitation to Konoha. However, much like Karin, she did criticize that _blond_ Uzumaki for his lousily organized accommodation and cleaning habits. Meanwhile Nagato busied himself with Naruto's mountainous supply of instant ramen, since Uzumakis are ramen-addiction-prone and Nagato, living in Ame most of his life, was never acquainted with the delights and magnificence of well... ramen and naturally at his first exposure, he became enticed and infatuated with well... ramen.

"What?! Dattebayo, how am I different from all of you guys?!" Naruto bursted out complaining. "I am also an Uzumaki, just in case you guys don't know! And I'm Konoha's most avid ramen fan! Mum!" He entreated a laughing Kushina. "Tell them I'm your son dattebayo!"

Kushina shook her head, still chuckling. "Oh Naruto, you still don't get it do you?"

The rest of them followed her example.

"Mum?!"

"Oh little Naruto!" She kissed his forehead which made him cringe in embarrassment. "You're so clueless!"

"Don't you get it?" Mito added. "Its all about the hair!" With that, she flicked it with the playful attitude of a teenager, which creeped Naruto out since she was in actual fact, ancient- being the wife of the Shodai Hokage was suffice for explanation.

"Nagato help me! We had the same sensei! They're all ganging up on me!"

Nagato looked up from his 11th cup of ramen and stared skeptically at the blond boy and then at his "psychologically demented clan mates".

"Nagato honey," Mito interjected. "We're just teasing him about the hair, nothing to worry about."

It took a few seconds for the information to fully sink in and be processed but afterwards, Nagato joined the laughter ("Oh I get it!" His eyes glittered with glee.)

"Guys WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO BE WHAT'S GOING ON DATTEBAYO?!" Naruto was absolutely flabbergasted, the people from his clan made no sense.

"Naruto, just how did you manage to save the entire Shinobi World with your cluelessness?" Karin poked fun at him.

"OI! I KNOW YOU YOU'RE THE GIRL WHO WAS OBSESSED WITH SASUKE!" Naruto bellowed triumphantly, pleased to have found a comeback...

... Only to earn a smack on his face.

"I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH HIM! And plus, you're the one really obsessed with him," Karin quickly cooled her temper and raised her eyebrows as the rest of the gang eyed her confusedly. "I mean come on, am I the only one who noticed that it was Naruto who consistently pestered Sasuke to comeback to the leaf? Seriously..."

"Mmmmm..." Mito noted. "It seems that both of you have an unhealthy obsession with a certain Uchiha."

"Its him/her!" Both of them protested violently.

"My son is a straight man!" Kushina rebutted Mito. "Your conjecture is faulty dattebane!"

"No worries, I can help, I can help!" Mito immediately reassured her wild, feisty companion.

"... How dattebane?"

"Marriage!" She held up her finger in triumph. "Not only would it quench there fallacious yearning for that life-sized emo dick of an Uchiha, it would also help revive the Uzumaki Clan!"

Kushina blinked. That was rather unexpected, not that she had any serious complaints.

"Kushina Uzumaki..." Mito announced in a ceremonial voice. "Would you consent this marriage. Do you agree to betroth your son to Karin Uzumaki?"

"Ehh grandma Mito?" Naruto interrupted her abruptly. "Shouldn't it be the girl that is betrothe-"

"Doesn't matter!"

"Hang on," Nagato spoke up. "Kushina and Minato's son had blond hair, this would suggest that blond hair is the predominant gene over red hair which would then mean that Karin and Naruto's child would have... blond hair. I mean, I don't have a problem with that but Mito might."

"You're right Nagato! How could I possibly neglect the fact that Naruto would contaminate the future of our clan with blond hair?!"

Realisation finally dawned on Naruto. "Wait... don't tell me, the reason I'm the odd one out is because of my hair. What kind of excuse to exclude me is that?"

"Ahahahahahahahahaha!" They all laughed at his torturously slow reaction.

"How was I supposed to know dattebayo?!" Naruto pouted.

"You know, this is the first 'proper' family reunion I've been in, why don't we all go out for ramen and forget our previous skirmishes and misunderstandings?" Nagato suggested, party because he had emptied Naruto's entire supply of instant ramen.

Four voices expressing their consent responded to him.

And this was how the gang of five Uzumaki's ended up consuming Konoha's entire stock of ramen in one afternoon.

The single, most quintessential rule to Dealing with Uzumaki's for Dummies: it's all about the hair and it's all about the ramen.

Enough said.

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**A/N: So how did you guys find this? Please tell me your thoughts! Anyways, I'm, starting from now, accepting requests for similar ****one shots so send me your suggestions! **


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